Picture This!

Megan: Miles, what do you want to take a picture of? Miles: I don't know. Megan: Why don't you take a picture of Juniper's butt? (Megan points at Theresa who is holding Miles' little brother, Juniper) Miles: Then I can take a picture of Juniper pooping on my camera! Megan: Ummm, no.

Christmas never ends!

Emma: Are those presents for me?!?

Carina: No.

My little gamer in training

She's actually doing fairly well, when she goes in the right direction.

How many bites?

Mike: Emma, you need to sit down and eat your dinner.
Emma: How about two more bites?
Mike: How about 7 more bites?
Emma: How about 8?
Mike: Done!

Santa was so funny!

Emma: Santa was so funny!
Carina: Why?
Emma: Because he was talking but his mouth wasn't moving!

More Christmas song reimaginings

Emma: Rudolph the dead nosed reindeer had some very shiny toes!
Carina: Did you say shiny toes?
Emma: Yup!  Shiny Toes!

Wonderful

Emma: He is getting wonderful all over himself.

Rudolph the two-nosed one not glowy reindeer.

Emma loves Christmas music.  One of her favorite holiday tunes is Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer.
Here is the version of it that she sang for me in the car this morning.  I'll bold the important changes for effect.

Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer had another shiny nose! And if you ever saw it, you would never say it glows.  All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names.  HEY! It's not nice to call names!

Provolone

Emma:  I want a sandwich.

Carina:  We don't have any more of the kind of cheese you like Emma.  All we have is provolone.

Emma:  Provolone?

Carina:  Yeah, you wanna try it?

Emma:  Ok....mmmm that's yummy.

Carina:  Ok, I'll make you a sandwich then.

Mike:  I'll go food shopping and get her some more regular cheese.

Emma:  Can I have more circle cheese?

Carina:  HAH!  Did she just called it circle cheese?

Mike:  Yes she did.  Emma, it's not called circle cheese.  It's called Pro-vo-lone.

Emma:  Mommy needs to be alone, not Prov alone!

Emma's First Pun

Emma: I just yawned two times. That means I'm two tired.

(We burst out laughing at this.

Emma: Why are you laughing at me?

Carina: We're not laughing at you Emma, we're laughing with you. That was a funny joke!

Emma: That wasn't a joke! It doesn't mean I'm funny. It means I'm mad!

Thankfulness

Emma and I had the following conversation first thing this morning...

Emma:  Mommy, you forgot to dress me!  (Pointing at her P.J.'s).

Carina:  Emma, you just got up.  I just haven't changed you into your clothes yet.  That's all.

Emma:  Where are your pajamas mommy?

Carina:  I don't wear pajamas honey.

Emma:  Why?

Carina:  Because I think it's more comfortable not to wear clothing when I'm sleeping.

Emma:  Did you like to wear pajamas when you were a kid?

Carina:  Yes, I did wear pajamas when I was a kid.

Emma:  When I get married can I not wear pajamas too?

Carina:  Lol.  Yes Emma, when you're married, you don't have to wear pajamas either.

Emma:  And then I can get a jewel to wear?  (That's what she calls my diamond ring).

Carina:  Yes, then you can get a jewel.

Emma:  How do I get married?

Carina:  You will ask someone someday or they will ask you.  And then one of you will say yes.

Emma:  I want to be married and wear no pajamas and just jewels!

I thought this conversation was just adorable due to its simplicity, and then it hit me.  My daughter thinks that marriage is about being naked and wearing jewels.  Obviously marriage is more than that, but it's a wonderful image and I'm not displeased that my daughter views our marriage that way.  What a luxurious perspective!  I hope that one day she is as lucky as I am and finds someone that makes her feel like that too.  Like you've just woken up in bed and covered in nothing but diamonds.  Blessings feel that way sometimes and I sure have a lot of them. 

I love you Mike.

Tired!

Emma: Don't go to sleep, Daddy!  I'm not tired!

F-ings!

Daddy:  What are you drawing there, Emma?

Carina:  She's practicing the letter F.

Emma:  LOOK AT ALL THE F-INGS!

Leg Fetch!

Emma was playing fetch with Zen and River today.  She would take the ball they brought her and throw it high in the air, which the dogs loved! They would go leaping dramatically after it, then give it back to her so she could throw it again for them.  It's this wonderful symbiotic relationship I had always hoped that my kids could have with their pets.  However today Zen's leg was itchy and he stopped mid fetch to bite at it, which prompted the following comment from Emma.

Emma: Why is he eating his leg?

A Paper

Emma: (Looking into the toilet as she prepares to go potty) What's that?
Mike: I don't know. (Looking into the toilet and seeing what seemed to be a wrapper for a medicine bottle)
Emma: I think it's a paper.
Mike: Yes, I guess it is.
Emma: (With an impish grin) I'm going to pee on the paper!
Then she did, and giggled.

My Little Bottom

Ma B:  There.  You are all dressed.  Those pants are very nice!

Emma:  Yes indeed.  And they are attached to my nice little bottom.

Technology Rant

I am a technophile. I love the stuff. I read about it online. I play with it at home. I read about it in science fiction books, and watch it in science fiction movies and shows of all stripes. I dream about it. I've made about 400 distinct new concepts for machines (none of which have ever gone beyond the kitchen table conversations, but still) that no one has ever seen before. I dream about this stuff. I buy this stuff. It's FUN!

What ideas have I dreamed up? Let's see...

I want to make a refrigerator that has a camera in it that allows the fridge to recognize which items of food are in the fridge, and how much of each are left, allowing it to pre-write your shopping list for you and have a little touch screen on the front of the door that showed what was in the fridge for cooking purposes, maybe even suggest recipes from various websites based on your past preferences. 

It could work like this: 
Open the fridge door to put in the newly purchased gallon of unopened milk. The cameras, strategically positioned, would recognize the milk (through a variety of shape/color/scanning/etc.), and enter it into the inventory of the fridge. Then when you set it on any shelf, the fridge weighs the new items, and logs the weight. Later, you open up the fridge, grab the gallon, remove it for about 20 seconds to fill a glass for your evening milk and cookies as the cameras log the removal, and return it 20 seconds later and again the cameras recognize that it's the milk being put back, and log the weight. It would notice that you drank 3oz of milk and give a specific amount of milk remaining in the gallon on the inventory on the door touch screen. About a week or so later, using the user generated list of food "staples" that your refrigerator should have in it at all times, the touch screen will alert you that the milk is running low, with about 2oz of milk left in the container and prompt you to purchase a new gallon. It could then sync with your phone, which would automatically post a shopping list pre-prepared for you by your own refrigerator that pops up when your phone GPS registers that you're at the supermarket.

For people who can't do their own shopping, this internet connected machine could generate and order shopping lists from the web based home delivery supermarket services automatically, ensuring consistent food for elderly or those with mental/physical issues that preclude them from taking care of themselves effectively or those too lazy to go out and buy it themselves. The fridge could even tell you which places near you have the items you want and which places sell them for the cheapest price.

Now imagine that you're blind. How amazing would it be for you to be able to just ask the refrigerator how much of any specific item you want is left in the fridge? Or where it is inside the fridge? And it could tell you, in a voice of whatever specific accent is most to your liking. I'm a fan of Irish, myself. 

Or ask the fridge to read you the recipe you happen to be making yourself and your family that evening. Even if you're not blind that'd be useful. I know it's annoying when I've got my hands covered in uncooked chicken and I forget how much oil the recipe needs, but the recipe book is on the wrong page, or I have to scroll up my iPad screen, but don't want to get it dirty, and don't want to interrupt my cooking long enough to wash my hands and flip the page (I know, I'm impatient). So instead I just ask. How much oil does the chicken need? And it'll respond with something like "Mike, your chicken risotto needs two tablespoons of cooking oil." 

But wait, if we're envisioning voice control in a kitchen, how about setting the oven temperature by request, or automatic reminders that a burner is on, but there is nothing on top of the burner, and do you want the burner to turn off if you're not using it?

And that's just one of the ideas that I've had regarding a kitchen. 

Now extrapolate those concepts to cars, televisions, teaching (because I'm a teacher, so yeah) and how different would the world look if we did this stuff throughout all of our daily routines, not just cooking? Would daily life even be recognizable as similar to what we have now? What we had 50 years ago? 100 years?

I know, I know. You're having visions of HAL 9000, or thinking that "Mike, you've been smoking the Science Fiction pipe for a little too long today." But here's the weird part. This isn't science fiction. This is all 100% possible right now.

So I'm a bit annoyed. 

The Bionic Man said it best, "Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's first bionic man. Steve Austin will be that man. Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster." Well, we have the technology too. we can make just about everything we use on a daily basis better, stronger faster. 

Why aren't we doing more with it?

Segue (or lack thereof) 

So you are aware that the newest iPhone came out a few days ago. 

You're not aware of this? Really? What rock have you been living under? No offense, but it's been talked about a LOT.

Anyway, it came carrying this little feature called Siri. Siri is AI for your phone. It takes voice commands, plays you music, sends emails, makes phone calls, and finds you the best restaurants in the area. All of that is pretty old tech. I mean like 8-12 year old tech. Why are we freaking out about this? Because the retail world IS freaking out about it, make no mistake. The big change here is that Siri actually understands the context of a question, taking into account the previous queries it has received from you and using that information to inform your subsequent queries, making it FAR more natural to talk to than any other voice command service on the market. Oh, wait... That's not entirely true. Siri is over 4 years old and its previous incarnation (Past it's DARPA fueled inception) was the Siri App that pretty much does everything that the 4S version of Siri does now. The major difference is that it's been done BETTER by Apple than it has ever been done before.

Ok, so Apple did it better than everyone else. That's not really new either. In the past decade, Apple has made some pretty major steps in the "We didn't do it first, but we did it best" areas of tech.

What's the lesson here?

Design matters. 

Integration matters. 

Usability matters. 

So does having a market that is prepared for it by all the preceding little gadgets that your company has been making a mint by selling. The success of the iPod led slow step by slow step inexorably to the world of Siri in which we now live. We've been mass brain washed into this. Maybe it'd be a better description to say that we've been slowly trained to use these new devices, because we ( the collective "We" of our market economy) wouldn't have been ready for all the features all at once. We'd have been scared, or skeptical, and frequently both. But since we've watched Apple introduce product after product to absolute hysteria of applause and approval, we're ready to try the thing everyone else is trying that seems so fun and cool looking and simple. This isn't scary new stuff, it's new toys for adults. The entire market has been taught by Apple to use Apple products more and more effectively every year for the last ten years, by design.

And suddenly Apple is one of the top brand names in the world, if not the actual top brand on any given day. Wasn't this the company who was considered a failure just over a decade ago? Yeah, good job Apple. I applaud you.

I just wish this happened a bit faster.

I just wish Apple wasn't the only company doing it right. 

Why aren't car companies doing this? Television manufacturers? Appliance manufacturers? Schools?

Why can't cars have more voice integration? It'd save lives simply being able to say that you want to change stations instead of having to reach over and physically change the radio station. Just that little bit of integration would literally save lives. I wish that were an exaggeration, but it's not. A highly voice integrated car could make driving far more safe by allowing us to focus on what's truly important, the road. (Because you and I both know that people won't stop things like changing the radio station in heavy traffic, or calling their friends, or texting while driving, though we all wish they would) 
Car radio retailers are laughably behind the times as well. I read online somewhere recently (Probably +Mike Elgan , but I can't find the post currently, but he's got some great tech articles and you should totally follow him) that, when in a Best Buy or other store that had a car radio section, the writer was struck by how stupid it would be to actually buy a car radio that only works in your car for anywhere from 100-500$ when all it could do was be a radio and maybe a DvD player that you'll never use while it's attached to the front dash of your car; when instead he could buy a phone or iPad or some other portable device that had many functions and could ALSO be a radio, and for comparable prices as well. 

What about televisions? Why are the interfaces for the internet on TV's so abysmally horrible? What would I need a remote for, if I could talk to my television? No more batteries or looking under cushions for the lost remote that your daughter decided to use as a "phone" and leave in the dogs crate while she was playing pretend. Why not have your phone or iPad/touch device be your remote AND your touch screen computer, assuming there is still anything for which you'd need an actual remote control. Again, this option is already here. Not science fiction, science fact, but not mainstreamed, and not utilized.

I know that we're in one of the fastest changing times in the entire history of mankind, and I know that humanity is consistently resistant to change; but I think that we need to start realizing the power of the tools that humanity has at its fingertips and start REALLY using it.

How can we start using the power of the internet to help alleviate issues with our dwindling supply of, and ever more desperate need for, fossil fuels?

Why haven't we started putting technology in the hands of schools and children who really need it to help them see education as FUN and important. Why do school age children not respect school or their teachers? Possibly in part due to the obvious lack of funds that our society funnels into those schools. Possibly because the 'cool new stuff" is never in a school. Possibly because the schools don't have all the tools they need to teach their students about the technological world of which they will be a part.

How are teachers supposed to prepare students for the technological world if they don't have any means of utilizing technology in a classroom?

Why aren't there more female programmers? 

Why can't we start building the engineers, artists, designers, and programmers by giving them the actual tools they need to learn those skills?

Besides, I want a flying car. C'mon people. 

Mike

Parenting Tip

If you are a parent, you probably are sleep deprived.  There simply are not enough hours in the day.  However, no matter how tired you may be, I hope you will follow this advice:
DO NOT, while potty training your child, and carrying both a paper to throw in the garbage and a potty full of urine, get mixed up and throw the urine in the garbage (and miss) and the paper into the toilet, like I just did.

More Google Voice Fun

 Hey it's me. 5% was just calling to hadn't heard from you. I'm putting up dinner so you got something for yougo to music gimme a call. And I was just. Tell me how you want to cry so I can make sure everything's alrightpoint, right. I love you, bye.

Baby!

Kate: Emma, Did you know I have a baby in my tummy?
Emma: Really?
Kate: Yes, would you like to feel?
Emma: (Goes over and puts her hand on Kates belly) I can't find it!

Faerie Wings

Emma: Want to see my wings, Daddy?
Mike: Sure!
Emma: (turns around to reveal the dress up wings she got for her birthday) Surprise!
Mike: Wow, those are great wings, Emma.
Emma: Yeah. I love being a fairy! Whee, I can Fly!

Shower of Funny

Emma:  I need something.
Carina:  Yeah, you need a shower.  Want to take a shower?
Emma:  I can wash my hair myself.
Carina:  Ok.
Emma:  Can you help me?
Carina:  Sure.
Emma:  Please don't.
Carina:  OMG blog!
Emma:  There's no need to blog!

The Truth

Emma got a time-out earlier for lying to me.  After she woke up from her nap, the following happened:

Emma:  I'm sorry I lied to you Mommy.

Carina:  You always have to tell me the truth, Emma.

Emma:  The truth is that I love you.  The truth is that I love your ipad... 

Third Person

Emma: Ma B I wish you were here!
Emma walks over to the window, climbs up and looks out for a minute solemnly.
Emma: "Ma B, Where are you?" She cried sadly. (she actually said all those words, including the "She cried sadly" part.)

Yes... Emma just spoke about her own actions in the third person.

Happy Birthday Emma

Emma on her 3rd Birthday!

Holding Emma

I know that this blog, Epic Insight, is supposed to be about the funny, but I wanted to share something kind of serious today.

I had a perfect day with Emma today.  I mean, just perfect.  Let me tell you about our day, and then I'll explain why it meant so much to me.

We started out by counting the stars on her responsibility chart.  This chart allows her to earn "stars" for doing certain chores (like using the potty or picking up her toys).  She can then "cash" these stars in for a surprise gift.  Usually it's a new My Little Pony, but recently Barnes and Noble sent me a coupon in the email in honor of her birthday for a free cookie, so I decided to save it for her next star chart surprise.

Vegetable Pig

A guest post by Theresa and her son Miles.


Miles: That's my favorite vegetable.
Theresa: What is?
Miles: Pig.
Theresa: Pig is not a vegetable.
Miles: Yes it is.
Theresa: What's it taste like?
Miles: Corn.


Her very good blog can be found here.


I highly recommend it!

Peacock Butt

Emma: May I have some cheese, please?
Carina: That was very polite, Emma.
Emma: Yes! It was!
Carina: (to Mike) That was so pompous that I swear peacock feathers sprang out of her butt.

What are the waves saying?

Today was Emma's first time to the beach! 


Carmen, Carina, Libby, Emma and I all went to the beach today.


Carmen tried to get Emma to go into the waves.


Carmen: Emma dont be afraid of the waves. Close your eyes and listen to what they have to say. They are talking to you. 


Emma: (closes her eyes and then opens them a little saying): I dont like what they are saying to me. They are too loud. 

Halloween Thighs

Carina:  Oh!  Mike!  You should totally be Aang for Halloween this year!

Mike:  Oh my god, I love that idea so much I'm going to start looking for costumes right now.

Carina:  If you're Aang I can totally pull off Toph.

Stay Upstairs

Larry: (Passing Emma on the stairs) Emma, do you want to come downstairs?
Emma: No, I want to stay upstairs and be in trouble.  That makes me HAPPY!

Hungry!

This morning Emma said:

I'm hungry like a dragon! An adult big dragon!

Nice Dinosaur

Emma: I'm a nice dinosaur!
Mike: Good!
Emma: What kind of dinosaur am I?
Mike: A nice dinosaur.
Emma: No, what kind of dinosaur?
Mike: Oh, umm... an Archaeopteryx. (It was the first to my mind because it was recently found to be NOT the first bird anymore)
Emma: But I can't fly!
Mike and Carina burst into laughter.

You have a what?

Emma: I have a zombie pony!
Mike: (Unsure I heard her correctly) You have a what?!?
Emma: A Zombie Pony!
Mike: Oh, of course you do.

Deep thoughts by Carina

Emma started sweeping the floor for fun today, and then later she called me "your majesty." Either I'm doing something very right or I'm doing something very wrong.

No, Turn Left!

So we have a GPS system in the car, mostly because Carina could get lost by turning around once. Seriously, ask her about it some time. It's pretty funny. Anyway, the GPS talks to us as we drive giving how far the next turn is, when we turn right or left, etc.  Emma has started mimicking the GPS and sounds remarkably like the voice at times.  She does the same thing when I use the voice activation feature on my phone while in the car.  Usually she justs repeats whatever the machine, or I, say. Today she changed the script.
GPS: In point three miles turn right.
Emma: In point three miles turn right.
GPS: In point two miles turn right.
Emma: In point two miles turn right.
GPS: Turn right:
Emma: NO! I want to turn left!

Bumblesweet, no Applejack

So Emma has been getting into My Little Pony lately, which it seems has made a resurgence since my sister loved them when she was somewhere around ten years old.  The new cartoon is one of Emma's favorite things to watch.  She even has a little My Little Pony plastic horse (a couple actually) and plays with them quite often.  Emma brought them in the car today, so we got the following little interaction.
Emma: (Holding up her little plastic horse) What is this horsey's name?
Carina: I don't know, let me look it up. (and Carina takes out her phone and researches the name of the My Little Pony Emma is holding)
Mike: (Having seen the show multiple times now, thanks to Emmas obsession) Isn't that Applejack?
Emma: Yes!
Carina: No, it's Bumblesweet.
Emma: It's what?
Carina: Bumblesweet.
Emma: I'm going to pretend that it's Applejack.

Zebra what?

Emma: I'm hungry.
Carina: Would you like yogurt to eat?
Emma: No.
Carina: Would you like spaghetti?
Emma: No, I want different spaghetti.
Carina: What is different spaghetti?
Emma: Zebra spaghetti!
Mike: I've never heard of zebra spaghetti, Emma.
Emma: Well now you have!

Opposites.

Climbing up the basement stairs from a car ride yesterday Emma asks the following question.
Emma: What does miniscule mean?
Carina: Very small. Did you just ask me about the word miniscule?
Emma: Yes. What about the big rock word?
Carina: The big rock word? What word is that?
Emma: Enormous.
Carina: You ARE still only two years old right?
Emma: Yes.

Emma Dancing

Emma and I had some fun this morning. Hope you enjoy it.

Cow Shoes

Emma:  What are those?
Mike:  Nuts.
Emma:  What kind of nuts?
Mike:  Cashews.
Emma:  Cow Shoes?!
Mike:  Not Cow Shoes!  Cashews!

Robot Alien

Emma walks into the office today looking like this:

Then she says in a robotic monotone:
Emma: I am a robot alien.  You must move like this.
And she starts waving her arms.

Thenzer

Emma:  (pounds on Carina and Mike's bedroom door)  Mommy, wake uuuuuuuup!
Carina:  (puts pillow back on head and rolls over)
Emma:  (continues to pound on the door and then suddenly just...stops)
Carina:  (sits up, listening intently because a quiet child is a trouble-making child)
Emma:  (stops banging on the door, but seems to be mumbling something quietly)
Carina:  (opens the door and looks down at Emma)
Emma:  It worked!
Carina:  What worked?
Emma:  My magic word!
Carina:  What magic word?  Huh?
Emma:  My magic word to wake you up!
Carina:  What word is that?
Emma:  Thenzer!
Carina:  Thenzer.
Emma:  (while waving her arms dramatically) Theeeeeeennnnnnnzzzzzzeeeeeeerrrr

But Mom!

Emma:  Can I go in the pool?
Carina:  No, it's bed time.
Emma:  But moooooooooom! (Said just like on a sitcom.)
Carina:  Where did you get that?
Emma:  My room.

Happy Father's Day

Mike:  Emma, do you think I'm a good father?
Emma:  Yes.
Carina:  Emma, why do you think Daddy is a good father?
Emma:  Because he's nice...and ticklish.

Randomness rewritten

Emma: I'm a Polar Bear expert, I think!

Next completely unrelated one.

Emma: My nose is falling off!  You're sitting on it!

And another.

Emma: Your eyebrow hair is soft, Mommy.

And one from Carina:

Carina: Where are my glasses? Oh yeah, I'm wearing my contacts... right.

70!

I do something we call baby push-ups with Emma.  I lie on my back and she lies on my chest. I then put my hands on her hips and push her into the air.  She counts each time I do a rep.  This is how she counted today:

Emma:
One!
Two!
Three!
Four!
Five!
Six!
Seven!
Eight!
Nine!
(She starts laughing a bit at this point)
Ten!
Eleven!
Twelve!
Thirteen!
Fifteen!
(The laughing gets harder)
Twenty!
Seventy!!!
(and she completely collapses into laughter)

Taxes

Carina and Emma are in the bathroom in the morning getting dressed and ready for the day.
Emma looks pointedly at the toilet, then at Carina.
Emma: Mommy, are you going to do your taxes?

Shaken Not Stirred

Lately, I've been making shakes in the morning for breakfast.  The concept of the blender is new to Emma and she doesn't like it because it's so loud.  Every morning I use the blender and every morning she runs out of the kitchen with her hands over her ears.  The she comes back in the room and asks...

A Riddle.

Emma and Mike were playing in the yard.  Mike was walking around working on the yard. Emma walks up into his path, crosses her arms firmly and plants her feet.
Emma: Stop! You can't pass!
Mike: Why not?
Emma: You have to answer my ridlle!
Mike: A riddle? Ok. What is the riddle?
Emma: What has wings and black feet?
Mike: A Raven?
Emma: No! A Black Dragon! You can pass now!
Mike: Thanks! 

Got Circle?

One day, when the sun was shining in Emma's eyes...

Emma:  Sun, stop lighting me!
Carina:  Emma, the Sun can't hear you.
Emma:  It has no eyes?  (Which is of course the first question she should be asking if something can't HEAR you...)
Carina:  No, no eyes.
Emma: No mouth?
Carina:  No mouth.
Emma:  Legs?
Carina:  No legs.
Emma:  Feet?
Carina:  No feet.
Emma:  Circle?
Carina.  Yes, the sun's got circle.

Favorite Smack

Emma: (upon seeing the bag of popcorn on the table, says to Bella)
Popcorn! That is my favorite smack!

Can my Feet come?

Emma: Where are we going?
Mike: Home.
Emma: Home? Where my toys are?
Mike: Yes.
Emma: Can we play blocks when we get home? In my room?
Mike: Yes.
Emma: Can my feet come?
Mike: Umm... Yes because they don't come off.
Emma: They don't?!?
Mike: No.
Emma: They don't come off at all?
Mike: No. Your feet are attached to you.
Emma: So they can play too?!?

It came from the Cupcake!

Emma: There is something on my fingers... 

Emma: What should I do, dad? 

Emma: Wipe them on my face? Ok!

Pasticles

Emma: (Walking into the dining room where we are eating breakfast) MMMMM I smell something!
Mike: Oh?
Emma: Is it meat?
Mike: No, it is eggs and toast with apple butter.
Emma: Smells good! Can I have my Cheddar Bunnies? (We give her these cracker treats when she uses the toilet instead of her diaper)
Carina: Oh, yes! I forgot to give you them after you used the potty so well this morning!
Emma: I want my rabbit pasticles!
Mike: What?
Emma: Pasticles.
Mike: Cheddar Bunnies?
Emma: Yes. Rabbit Pasticles.

Bra-zen Comments

Emma:  What's that mommy?
Carina:  It's my bra.
Emma:  That's the largest thing I've ever seen!


(You just can't make this stuff up.)

Hotted Dirt.

Mike: Emma, what does a volcano make?
Emma: Hotted dirt!
Mike: What dirt?
Emma: Melted dirt.
Mike: Oh, that makes much more sense.
Emma: It doesn't make cents. It makes melted dirt!

Angry Bunny!

Emma drew this Easter Bunny for us.  Drawn by Emma, interpreted by Emma's face.

We're all dolts

Emma:  What's a baby?
Carina:  A baby is a very very very little person.
Emma:  What's a big person?
Carina:  An adult.
Emma:  A big dolt?

Dagnabit!

Something annoyed me earlier today, and so in favor of saying a worse word, I instead said:

Carina:  Dagnabit!
Emma:  I'm not Dag Nabit.  I'm Emma Nabit!

Drum Spoons

While working around the house I kept hearing Emma run in and out of the kitchen and the opening and closing of drawers.   After spying on her for a little while I learned that she'd been stealing spoons...

Carina:  Emma, why are you stealing spoons?
Emma:  Because I need to drum!

I laughed so hard that I couldn't say no.  She then spent the rest of the morning drumming around her room with teaspoons.

Gotta love it.

Shake Your Maraca!

Carina:  Yay Emma!  You used the potty!
Emma:  Yay!
Carina:  Do you want to flush the toilet yourself?
Emma:  Yes.  It looks like a maraca.
Carina:  A maraca?  !
Emma:  Yes!
Carina:  Ok Emma, well then shake your maraca and flush.

Duck Treats

During dinner tonight, Mike and I asked Emma to tell a story.  This was her story:

Carina:  What's your story about, Emma?
Emma:  A scary monster.
Carina:  What color is the monster?
Emma:  Red, purple, and green.  And there's a Mommy monster and a Daddy monster.
Carina:  What color is the Daddy monster?
Emma:  Red, purple, and green.
Carina:  What color is the Mommy monster?
Emma:  Red, purple, and green.
Carina:  So what did the baby monster, mommy monster, and daddy monster do?
Emma:  They played together.
Carina:  So then what happens next?
Emma:  Then there was a fox.

Chick House?

Lately, Emma has been having more and more trouble going to sleep.  Whether it's nap time or bed time, she makes more and more excuses why she shouldn't go to sleep at that particular time.  Excuses can and have included:

• I'm not tired.
• My mouth hurts.
• I'm hungry.
• My hands are freezing.
• My sock fell off.
• It's a beautiful day.
• It's not a beautiful day.
• I have a boo boo.
• I need to use the potty.
• I peeped.
• I pooped.
• I'm bigger now.

Am I older?

Emma: (Asking about a conversation Carina and I were having) Why?
Mike: You'll understand when you are older.
Emma: (waits 30 seconds) I am older now!

Dolphindog!

Emma: Zen, what are you?
Emma: You're a dog, right!
Emma: River, what are you?
Emma: You're a dolphin!

Why so upset?

Emma, crying loudly and can't snap out of it...
Mike: Emma, why are you crying?

Crude Awakening

Have you ever had one of those mornings where, for whatever reason you just

CAN'T
WAKE
UP?!

Temperature

Emma:  What is cold?
Carina:  Cold is when the temperature goes down.
Emma:  What is temperature?
Carina:  I knew you were going to ask that.  Well, temperature is how we measure whether it is cold or hot.
Emma:  But what is cold?
Carina:  Well, if you want to get technical, cold is when your molecules slow down.
Emma:  Oh.

Do I hear a Dinosaur?

Mike walks down the stairs this morning.
Emma: What's that sound?  I'm scared!  Is it a dinosaur?
Mike peeks around the corner.
Emma: Oh, it's Daddy!

Celebration Circle

Mike: We're almost ready for dinner.
Emma: Yay! I love celebration dinners!

What to watch.

Mike: Emma, would you like to watch Blue's Clues?
Emma: Poopy diaper.

What's a G6?

Mike:  Emma, are you fly like a G6?
Emma:  No.
Carina:  What's a G6?
Mike:  I have no idea?
Carina:  Is it like a plane?
Mike:  I have no idea?
Carina:  'Cause that would be cool, you know?  Fly....like a plane?
(Mike just groans and shakes his head sadly).

Going Crackers

Carina:  Here's a cracker Emma.
Emma:  The cracker is a circle!
Carina:  Yes Emma, it is circular.
Emma:  Like Diego's head?
Carina:  What?! 
(Emma grabs her little plastic Diego doll.)
Emma:  Diego's head is sorcolor (circular).
Carina:  *laugh*  Yes Emma.  Your cracker is circular like Diego's head.

Feet

Emma: I look like I have feet.

Playing Nothing!

Emma: Daddy, do you want to play a game?
Mike: Sure. What game would you like to play?
Emma: I want to play the nothing game.
Mike: How do you play the nothing game?
Emma: We sit down and you can't move your feet, head, ears or legs.
Mike: Oh, of course, how did I not know that?
Emma: I don't know, Daddy.

Emma Rocks!

Emma:  Mommy, what you think Daddy?
Carina:  What do I think about Daddy?
Emma:  Yes, what you think about Daddy?
Carina:  Uh...
Emma:  Daddy's BIG and STRONG!  And Mommy is getting smaller and smaller.
Carina:  (I've been losing weight recently, so I of course took this as a compliment).  Emma, you rock!
Emma:  No, I'm not.  I'm Emma.
Carina:  I mean, "Thank you."
Emma:  Oh, you're welcome Mommy.

Heartless

Emma: I am going to be a circus!
Mike: You are?

I am going to be...

Emma: (Announcing, while holding a plastic elephant toy)
I am going to be a Doctor Princess!

Resternaut

Emma: We're going to the resternaut for dinner!
Mike: We're going to the restaurant. Say restaur.

Two Sense

(While walking into Wegmans....)

Carina:  Emma, do you want to walk?
Emma:  No.
Carina:  Do you want to go in the cart?
Emma:  No.
Carina:  Well those are your only two choices hun.
Emma:  No.
Carina:  Emma, you're not making any sense.
Emma:  I don't have a sense.

Beard

Emma: Daddy, your head is so shiny.
Mike: Thanks, Emma.
Emma: Your hair has a beard.

Hair Light

Emma: Daddy, my hair is lighting up my face.
Mike: Your hair is lighting up your face?
Emma: Yes.
Mike: Oh.  Good.

Thinking Moon

Emma: Look, Daddy, the moon!
Mike: It's very pretty, Emma.
Emma: Its thinking.
Mike: What is the moon thinking about?
Emma: Clues! Like Steve!

Family Ties

Emma: (walking in on Mike putting on his tie this morning) What are you doing, Dad?
Mike: I'm getting dressed.
Emma: Is that a scarf?
Mike: No, it's a tie.
Emma: It looks like a scarf.

Sleeping Hands

Emma: My hands are asleep, Daddy.

Nuts

Emma: (eating caramel corn) Daddy, Here!  I found your nuts!

Piratinja

In the car the other day, driving to a family party Emma spouts out from the backseat -

Emma: AAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!

ABC's

Emma: (Singing) A B C D E F G,
H I J K,
LMNOP,

I'm Crying

Emma walks into our bedroom this morning.
Emma: Is it time to get up?
Mike: No, Emma, it's not 7am yet.  You have to go back to your room until the clock says 7.  Can you do that?
(Emma starts crying.)

Advice to the Future

I just finished watching what, to me, is probably the greatest television show ever created:  Babylon 5.  I started watching this show about 10 years ago, and for many reasons, didn't finish watching the final season until tonight.  As comprehensive and inspiring as the Star Trek universe is, and as elevated as it will always be to me, there is something about Babylon 5 that even Star Trek hasn't been quite able to reach.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Emma ran up to me and pinned this Valentine to my chest.  Somehow it stuck and then she said, "I'm so proud of you Mommy."  I thought my heart was going to burst with happiness.  Thanks Ma B for helping Emma make Valentines.

Artista

Emma:  Mommy, can you draw me a flower?
Carina:  Aw Emma, I'm no good at drawing.
Emma:  Please?
Carina:  Alright.


(I start to draw a flower).

Emma:  No Mommy, down here.

Oopsie Dopie

Emma:  Oopsie Dopie
Carina:  Okie Dokie?
Emma:  No, Oopsie Dopie.
Carina:  Whoopsie Daisy?
Emma:  Yeah, Oopsie Dopie.

Diaper

Emma: Mommy, Mommy, I have a poopy diaper!

The Continuing Hyjinks of Google Voice Messages

I have Google Voice.  It's a pretty cool service that sends you a text of any voicemail you get.  As a teacher I can't listen to my messages at school, but taking a peek at a text in between classes is easier.  So it's useful.  However it's not perfected yet.  For example, one message I got from Carina asking me to buy eggs on the way home in the message from Google Voice the message looked like this:

Blowing Noses = Love

Emma:  Mommy, do the vegetables love me?
Carina:  Yes Emma, I'm sure the vegetables love you.

Baby Child

Emma:  Awww, it's a baby lamb.
Carina:  It's a baby sheep Emma.  Baby lamb is redundant.  It's a baby sheep or a lamb.
Emma:  (after a pause) It's a baby lamb.
Carina:  Emma, it's either a lamb or a baby sheep.  It's not both.  That's like saying it's a baby child.
Emma:  Awww, it's a baby child!

This just in!

The World Wildlife Federation has just announced that

Emma Rosy

Carina:  Your cheeks are so rosy Emma.

Christmas Socks

Emma:  There are no more trees.
Carina:  There are many trees outside Emma.
Emma:  There is no Christmas tree.
Carina:  Yes that's right.  There's no Christmas tree because it isn't Christmas time.
Emma:  There are no more presents?

Emma's First Podcast

So I've been having a blast making podcasts for my other blog.  It really is a lot of fun, so I decided to get Emma in on the fun as well.
Here's what happened.

Peek-a-boo!

Mike: (covers his face) Peek-a-boo, Emma!
Emma: BOO!

Spread the love

Emma:  Mommy, does the space heater love me?
Carina:  What?!  Uh....sure.  Right.  I'm sure the space heater loves you.

Fantasy Chess

Emma, at Dan's party, sees Dan's fantasy chess set, grabs a pawn and asks:
Emma: What is this animal?

Dan's Party

Emma:  Where are we going , Mommy?
Carina: We are going to Dan's party.
Emma runs off to find Daddy.

Just in Case

My hair is longer than it has been in years, so I was playing with it this morning; learning how to handle it again.  Emma saw me and assumed I was getting ready for us to go somewhere.

Emma:  Mommy, where are we going.

Carina:  Nowhere Emma.  I'm getting ready just in case.

Ears

Emma: My fingers don't have ears, Daddy.

Creepy

Emma:  (in a conspiratorial whisper) He's coming!
Carina:  Who's coming?

I'm sleepy, daddy

Emma: I'm tired, Daddy.
Mike: Do you want to go to bed, Emma?

Little Bear

Emma & Bella were watching Little Bear: 

Marry the Chicken

Emma: Bela where are you? 
Bela: I'm in the kitchen! 

I don't want to see my thing.

(A guest post from Bela, short for abuela, or grandmother in spanish) 


Emma: Bela I want to see Dora? 
Bela: Ok, I shall put it on for you!. 

Good Problems

While trying to pull out a shirt to wear tomorrow, the hanger which held the shirt snapped in two.  This is because my closet is so stuffed with clothing I can barely fit anything in or out of it.  At first, I grew annoyed, but then I realized, what a wonderful problem it is to have so many clothes the hangers break when you try to pull them out of your closet.

Two Left Feet

Every night Emma gets a piggy-back-ride to bed.  She enjoys it so much that it makes bedtime so much more enticing for her.  Every night, Mike gives Emma a piggy-back-ride around the house saying goodnight to everything in sight.  "Goodnight stairs.  Goodnight dinosaurs.  Goodnight socks."

Tonight was no different, except for the hilarious exchange between Mike and Emma which went something like this.

One Dinosaur to Bedtime

Emma: I want to color!
Mike: We can't color right now, Emma.  It's almost time to read stories (which is our term for bedtime, we read her stories before bed).

Ice Skating

So Emma walks into the kitchen while I am making myself a dinner (Steak salad with salt and vinegar potato chips! Healthy, I know.) carrying two of her dog toys, a hard plastic one, a la Playmobile or something similar, and one stuffed smallish one.
Emma: What are you doing, Daddy?

Choices

Emma is in a new (and annoying) phase that's I've decided to call "choice panic." Whenever I ask her what she wants for dinner, she hems and haws, finally comes to a decision, and then panics when it comes to be. So for example, if I ask her to choose between macaroni and pizza, she picks the pizza and then cries for lack of the macaroni.

At first I thought this was just some sort of selfishness, but she never ever seemed to want both. She just sort of mourned the loss of the other. At two years old, she already fears the concept of doors closing when others open.

My Job

So, for those of you who don't know, I'm a teacher.  I teach English and Theater in New Jersey.  I truly love my job, and not just because I get paid.  I love my students.  I love collaborating with my colleagues. I love finding fun things to put up on my website (Shameless plug for my school website here).
That being said, it's a rough time to be a teacher right now.  School staffs are getting cut left and right, including ours.  This isn't unusual for the US right now.  The public sector is out of cash.  Everyone is getting cut. Of course the private sector is getting hit hard as well, so let me just say that recessions suck, really badly.

I was told about two weeks ago now that I should start looking for work. Being a teacher, I have a contract until June, but as of July I'm probably one of the 9.2% of people unemployed in NJ.

Day with Mommy

Emma: Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!
Carina: Yes, Emma?
Emma: I'm not in China!

Emma:  Mommy, Mommy, I want to cook!
Carina: Ok, Emma, hold your horses.
Emma: Where are my horses?

Booboo

Emma: I have a boobie on my thumb.
Mike: You have a booboo on your thumb?
Emma: Right, a boobie.

Bowling Water

Emma: What are you doing Daddy?
Mike: I'm boiling water.
Emma: You're bowling water?

Mixing it up

When last we left Emma, she was doggedly trying to convince me to shoot another video instead of eating breakfast. I should have taken this as some greater wisdom from the mouths of babes that we feed on creativity more than food, but it was way too early in the morning for such insight.

Even though shooting another video would have indeed been cute, breakfast inevitably won.

Or so I had thought. Determined to express her creativity in some way lest she pop, Emma insisted that we "cook" something if she wasn't getting her video

Ready for my closeup mommy

In my last post, I shared a funny little picture of Emma with her tongue sticking out. It was of course a planned shot. I pulled up Photo Booth (a little Mac program for those who don't know) and told Emma to look at the green light (the camera in my monitor) and stick her tongue out. The result was adorable and perfectly suited for the post.

I then posted what I wrote and proceeded to turn Nick Jr. on for Emma, the reason why the post had to end in the first place. When I asked her what she wanted to see, she said, "the Emma song."

Morning Glories

For those who don't know, Emma has a delightful tendency to pad softly into our room every morning without making a sound. Kinda creepy honestly when you roll over and your vision is full of two-year-old face and your daughter says funny things. It's never "good morning mommy" or "it's time to wake up". Instead she says things like,

"I have sheep!" or

"You have eyebrows mommy."

This morning I was awoken to:

"Hi, pleased to meet you."

Older snippets

I've been tweeting and facebooking Emma's and our funny little interactions for a while before I started this blog. So here are some of the best of the last two years.

Welcome to our life!

Hello blogosphere,
I'm Dad.  Carina is Mom.  Emma is our daughter.  This blog is about us, the funny side of life here in our little world.  Let me give you an idea of what I mean: