Robot Alien

Emma walks into the office today looking like this:

Then she says in a robotic monotone:
Emma: I am a robot alien.  You must move like this.
And she starts waving her arms.

Thenzer

Emma:  (pounds on Carina and Mike's bedroom door)  Mommy, wake uuuuuuuup!
Carina:  (puts pillow back on head and rolls over)
Emma:  (continues to pound on the door and then suddenly just...stops)
Carina:  (sits up, listening intently because a quiet child is a trouble-making child)
Emma:  (stops banging on the door, but seems to be mumbling something quietly)
Carina:  (opens the door and looks down at Emma)
Emma:  It worked!
Carina:  What worked?
Emma:  My magic word!
Carina:  What magic word?  Huh?
Emma:  My magic word to wake you up!
Carina:  What word is that?
Emma:  Thenzer!
Carina:  Thenzer.
Emma:  (while waving her arms dramatically) Theeeeeeennnnnnnzzzzzzeeeeeeerrrr

But Mom!

Emma:  Can I go in the pool?
Carina:  No, it's bed time.
Emma:  But moooooooooom! (Said just like on a sitcom.)
Carina:  Where did you get that?
Emma:  My room.

Happy Father's Day

Mike:  Emma, do you think I'm a good father?
Emma:  Yes.
Carina:  Emma, why do you think Daddy is a good father?
Emma:  Because he's nice...and ticklish.

Randomness rewritten

Emma: I'm a Polar Bear expert, I think!

Next completely unrelated one.

Emma: My nose is falling off!  You're sitting on it!

And another.

Emma: Your eyebrow hair is soft, Mommy.

And one from Carina:

Carina: Where are my glasses? Oh yeah, I'm wearing my contacts... right.

70!

I do something we call baby push-ups with Emma.  I lie on my back and she lies on my chest. I then put my hands on her hips and push her into the air.  She counts each time I do a rep.  This is how she counted today:

Emma:
One!
Two!
Three!
Four!
Five!
Six!
Seven!
Eight!
Nine!
(She starts laughing a bit at this point)
Ten!
Eleven!
Twelve!
Thirteen!
Fifteen!
(The laughing gets harder)
Twenty!
Seventy!!!
(and she completely collapses into laughter)

Taxes

Carina and Emma are in the bathroom in the morning getting dressed and ready for the day.
Emma looks pointedly at the toilet, then at Carina.
Emma: Mommy, are you going to do your taxes?

Shaken Not Stirred

Lately, I've been making shakes in the morning for breakfast.  The concept of the blender is new to Emma and she doesn't like it because it's so loud.  Every morning I use the blender and every morning she runs out of the kitchen with her hands over her ears.  The she comes back in the room and asks...

A Riddle.

Emma and Mike were playing in the yard.  Mike was walking around working on the yard. Emma walks up into his path, crosses her arms firmly and plants her feet.
Emma: Stop! You can't pass!
Mike: Why not?
Emma: You have to answer my ridlle!
Mike: A riddle? Ok. What is the riddle?
Emma: What has wings and black feet?
Mike: A Raven?
Emma: No! A Black Dragon! You can pass now!
Mike: Thanks! 

Got Circle?

One day, when the sun was shining in Emma's eyes...

Emma:  Sun, stop lighting me!
Carina:  Emma, the Sun can't hear you.
Emma:  It has no eyes?  (Which is of course the first question she should be asking if something can't HEAR you...)
Carina:  No, no eyes.
Emma: No mouth?
Carina:  No mouth.
Emma:  Legs?
Carina:  No legs.
Emma:  Feet?
Carina:  No feet.
Emma:  Circle?
Carina.  Yes, the sun's got circle.

Favorite Smack

Emma: (upon seeing the bag of popcorn on the table, says to Bella)
Popcorn! That is my favorite smack!

Can my Feet come?

Emma: Where are we going?
Mike: Home.
Emma: Home? Where my toys are?
Mike: Yes.
Emma: Can we play blocks when we get home? In my room?
Mike: Yes.
Emma: Can my feet come?
Mike: Umm... Yes because they don't come off.
Emma: They don't?!?
Mike: No.
Emma: They don't come off at all?
Mike: No. Your feet are attached to you.
Emma: So they can play too?!?

It came from the Cupcake!

Emma: There is something on my fingers... 

Emma: What should I do, dad? 

Emma: Wipe them on my face? Ok!

Pasticles

Emma: (Walking into the dining room where we are eating breakfast) MMMMM I smell something!
Mike: Oh?
Emma: Is it meat?
Mike: No, it is eggs and toast with apple butter.
Emma: Smells good! Can I have my Cheddar Bunnies? (We give her these cracker treats when she uses the toilet instead of her diaper)
Carina: Oh, yes! I forgot to give you them after you used the potty so well this morning!
Emma: I want my rabbit pasticles!
Mike: What?
Emma: Pasticles.
Mike: Cheddar Bunnies?
Emma: Yes. Rabbit Pasticles.

Bra-zen Comments

Emma:  What's that mommy?
Carina:  It's my bra.
Emma:  That's the largest thing I've ever seen!


(You just can't make this stuff up.)

Hotted Dirt.

Mike: Emma, what does a volcano make?
Emma: Hotted dirt!
Mike: What dirt?
Emma: Melted dirt.
Mike: Oh, that makes much more sense.
Emma: It doesn't make cents. It makes melted dirt!

Angry Bunny!

Emma drew this Easter Bunny for us.  Drawn by Emma, interpreted by Emma's face.

We're all dolts

Emma:  What's a baby?
Carina:  A baby is a very very very little person.
Emma:  What's a big person?
Carina:  An adult.
Emma:  A big dolt?

Dagnabit!

Something annoyed me earlier today, and so in favor of saying a worse word, I instead said:

Carina:  Dagnabit!
Emma:  I'm not Dag Nabit.  I'm Emma Nabit!

Drum Spoons

While working around the house I kept hearing Emma run in and out of the kitchen and the opening and closing of drawers.   After spying on her for a little while I learned that she'd been stealing spoons...

Carina:  Emma, why are you stealing spoons?
Emma:  Because I need to drum!

I laughed so hard that I couldn't say no.  She then spent the rest of the morning drumming around her room with teaspoons.

Gotta love it.